Burning Out: Underneath The Filter

The Lurgy has entered the house. I woke up this morning, after an awful night's sleep, with a stuffy nose, a scratchy throat, aching joints and a pounding head. I was surprised at this as I've not been around anyone with a cold and I've been eating so well and exercising regularly that I thought my immunity would be a little stronger. So foul do I feel, that I felt something must have caused it and I looked back over my week trying to find the source of my misery. Only then did it occur to me that I might be taking on a little too much...

Working as a teacher I'm used to busy days and heavy workloads and countless marking and data deadlines. As Head of KS3 English, I constantly have a to do list longer than my arm and I rarely have a day that sees everything ticked off. Although I occasionally moan about my workload, I know I thrive in situations when stuff just needs to get done. I'm guilty of leaving things to the last minute because I know I can't procrastinate any more and I HAVE to finish a task. It's like I'm on my own Challenge Aneka episode only it's Challenge Jen and I'm competing with myself and time. The adrenaline is addictive and the pride at completing a task makes me feel like superwoman.

Being on maternity leave hasn't made me any more relaxed. Despite no longer having lessons to plan or essays to mark or data to review, I still give myself a huge workload...and I have to ask myself why I do this.

Take this week for instance. On Monday, I went to Mum and Baby group, completed a workout, went in to the local town to top up my grocery shop, even though I didn't need to. Tuesday I got up early to go running in the rain, took a shower and took Seb to Rhythm Time before racing home to have dinner before making the 4pm mum and baby showing of Beauty and the Beast. Wednesday saw a 10am Story Explorers class and a 12.45pm baby yoga class on opposite sides of the town and another browse around Tesco. Thursday? A particularly challenging day of a HIIT and weights session and a baby swim class all before midday followed by an hour's drive to York to have two work meetings before coming home to take Smeagol on an hour long birthday walk. On top of all this I do all the usual mum things: putting Seb down for routine naps, feeding him, dressing him, changing him, preparing bottles and meals, loading the dishwasher, cooking three healthy meals a day, doing laundry, tidying the house, walking the dog twice a day, showering, putting on make up, playing with Sebastian...food shopping. More? I meet up with friends for coffee, arrange play dates and clothes swaps, clear out my wardrobe and donate clothes to friends or charities, update this blog and instagram plus I'm doing the British Heart Foundation's My Marathon May.  It's no wonder that I'm starting to burn out a little.

Why though? Why do I do this? I frequently hear my friends ask how I manage to do so much - how do I find time to cook? To clean? Why am I so busy?

The classes with Seb I do because I think it's important for his development and because I can't stay in the house all day or I'd go crackers. They're as much for me as they are for him...plus I know that when I go back to work I'm never going to regret all the time we spent playing and learning together. But everything else can be neglected a little, surely? Even typing that makes me guffaw because I know I couldn't just neglect my tasks completely. I will always need to tidy and clean because I simply hate unorganised chaos. I deep need in me since childhood has to organise things or people. I think it's the same part of me that will always get a thrill at buying stationary. 

I've always been a bit of an overachiever. I'm not the smartest, quickest, prettiest or funniest. In fact I am distinctly average in every way and so I've always had to work hard. A fear of ignorance means I'm constantly reading and wanting to learn. If I don't know something, I have to 'read up' on it so that I know the answers. I feel proud when I receive compliments on my outfit, carefully selected in my mind the night before, even though I might only be going to the coffee shop. It's not about being the best; I'm not that shallow. It more like I want to be the best that I can be. 

But life is not a competition...and it's foolish to compete against yourself all the time. 

Looking at my instagram page, it's full of glossy, filtered pictures of home cooked, healthy meals, a smiling baby, a made up face and primped hair, motivating images of me working out. How pretty. How 'put together'.They're truthful images because yes, sometimes my life is pretty and put together, but it's not the whole truth. Sometimes, days like today happen.

Today I'm ill, grumpy, greasy and unmotivated. Today I haven't showered or put on make up or even changed out of my joggers and t-shirt which I slept in. I just put Military Man's hoodie over the top, because I'm missing him whilst he's away in Norway. Today, Seb and I have eaten a lovely breakfast of scrambled eggs and avocado, beautifully instagrammed....but I haven't washed the dishes, or unloaded the dishwasher from last night. I haven't dressed Seb - he's still in his pj's. His toys are strewn around the front room, the dog's muddy footprints pollute my usually clean kitchen floor...and it's ok for today. I'm cutting myself some slack. I have no workout plans nor am I leaving the house apart from the obligatory dog walks which I will do in the same clothes I'm wearing now.

Everyone puts pressure on themselves but I do think mum's add even more weight to the load because they have a little person that they feel they're letting down if they don't do something perfectly. This is silly. Not once has Sebastian looked at me this morning, in his avocado stained superman pyjamas, and frowned at me as if to say 'you're failing as a mother'. He gave me his usual gummy giggle and blew a raspberry, spraying me with unswallowed remnants of scrambled egg. Sebastian thinks I'm perfect. One day, this will change and no matter how hard I try, he'll still give me stony teenage glares that will unhinge me. One day, he'll think I'm a rubbish mum and in a fit of adolescent rage he might even say it. But for right now, Sebastian thinks I'm the most wonderful mummy in the world, complete with greasy hair and a messy kitchen. And today, that's the best that I can be.


J

Yorkshire Days Out With Kids: Part Two!

Continuing on from my last post, here are my next 5 places to visit with my little boy this Summer whilst his dad is on Operation in Cyprus. I'm so looking forward to seeing his little face as we visit these lovely places. If you're new to Yorkshire or have never been and fancy a visit, check out Welcome to Yorkshire, a website that lists events, places to visit, eat and sleep.

6. Whitby

I've been to Whitby many times. I've been to the beaches, the abbey, the museums, the cobbled Old Town streets and it's beautiful. But this time, I'll be seeing it through the eyes of my little boy who has never seen the sea, or sand. I can't wait to paddle with him on sunny days and play with a bucket and spade again before taking a ride on the Bark Endeavor replica ship around the bay!

Whiby images from yorkshire,co,uk

7. Sealife Sanctuary - Scarborough

An online ticket to this gem costs £9.50 but under 2's are free. This sealife sanctuary presents a range of fishy friends in different zones from the Great Barrier Reef to Penguin Island and Otter River. There are opportunities to touch some of the sealife and there are live feedings and talks on conservation and breeding for the older ones. But on a purely visual and sensory basis I think this would be a fantastic day out for the smallest of babyfolk and it's a great rainy day activity.


8. Stockeld Park, Wetherby

I have wanted to go here for the longest time. Each year they host a Winter Wonderland with ice skating and Nordic skiing along with and enchanted winter forest so I'm delighted that they have similar events during the Spring/Summer seasons. With  inflatable play, soft play, indoor and outdoor adventure zones, a spider's lair, enchanted forest, buccaneer boats, a maze, go Karts, scooters and plenty of picnic areas, I'd say this is well worth the £12.50 per adult online booking price which includes entry to everything apart from the boats and includes parking...and under 2's go free.

Image from Stockeld Park website

9. Monk Hill Farm - Thirsk

This is a really lovely farm for all the family. Sebastian recently looked the small petting farm we took him to so I'm looking forward to him being able to see a wider range of farm (and none farm) animals like rabbits, wallabies, peacocks and llamas. Whilst we're there I can take advantage of the lovely tea room  and we can sit in the sunshine and have a play on the playground! Adult tickets are £7.50 and under 2's are free.



10. Flamingo Land Theme Park and Zoo - Malton

Ok admittedly, this is a bit of a blow out day in terms of cost.The online price for a day ticket for an adult is £32 though under 3's are free and there are family ticket deals available. You can get 2 day passes so you could even make a weekend of it as a family mini break and the passes give you access to both the theme park and the zoo. I used to go there every year as a kid and I loved it - the zoo is brilliant and is a conservation centre so the animals aren't there to be entertainment. You can be a zookeeper for a day and learn about the animals or you can adopt an animal. It's a great learning experience and the rides are great fun for older kids. Malton is not too far away so you could always have a little drive out to explore the beautiful little town and if you're lucky, their monthly food festival will be on! 

Image from Flamingo land website

So these are my top summer 2017 bucket list picks!  Favourable mentions that you may want to check out are: The Forbidden Corner ,  York Chocolate Story , National Rail Museum  and  Mother Shipton's Cave.

Do you have any secret gems to share? 

J

Yorkshire Days Out With Kids: Part One

This post is inspired by Emma's Summer '17 Bucket List over at her blog which includes loads of fab ideas for days out in Yorkshire. If you're sprogless, definitely have a peek at her list!

My list is for those that have mini humans attached to them this summer (or if you're just a big kid at heart!).

Every Spring, I find myself making grandiose plans for the Summer. There was the Summer that Military Man and me were going to go on a Staycation, camping in a 2 man tent around England to see all the places we've never seen (Glastonbury I'm looking at you!) but being 7 months pregnant with a beagle puppy, it didn't really feel like the right time. Another Summer  we were going to do city breaks. A weekend in Vienna here, a jaunt in  Rome there...but life got in the way. Besides, city breaks are expensive!

So this year, facing the prospect of a long (hopefully warm!) season without Military Man who will be sunning himself whilst working in Cyprus for 2 months, I've decided to make some plans a little more realistic that will be enjoyable for me and keep baby Sebastian happy too!

1.  Eureka Children's Museum - Halifax

This place looks amazing! It caters for children from birth to 12 years old and encourages hands on interaction with the exhibits. With 9 different 'zones' to explore - including sensory areas and soft play, you really get a lot of bang for your buck. An adult pass is just short of £13, under 1's are free but once you've got a pass it's valid all year. This would be a rainy day out!

Image credit: Eureka.org.uk

2. Ponderosa - Batley

I love the idea of this place. It's a therapeutic centre which is suitable for children of all ages but is specifically catered towards children with disabilities. There's a small zoo with animals ranging from the Tropical Jungle of Brazil to the Sandy Plains of Australia and children can pet and feed some animals. There's a picnic area and a man made beach with a pirate ship to play in plus a zip wire area for older kids. An Indoor play area and an ice cream parlour makes this a really fun day out for a really reasonable price of £5.50 for a combined adult ticket.

3. Baby Rave by BoomChikkaBoom - Various places

I have to admit, I'm so excited for this one. A Baby Rave, for those not in the know, consists of messy play, light shows, bubbles, confetti and noise makers all with music and glo-sticks! Events are held regularly in Halifax, Leeds, Harrogate and York and are often themed and held at baby appropriate times. At £6 for an adult and 1 child, it's not going to break the bank either.

Image credit: BoomChikkaboom.com

4. The Rainbow Factory - Leeds

This is one for the kids who love storytime. The Rainbow Factory is a play centre that caters to children from birth to 10 years old with weekly drop in sessions ranging from Music Monkeys and Sensory Stories to themes events like Harry Potter Day and Enchanted Theatre performances. Event prices do vary and you have to book events ahead of time so keep checking the website.

5. Ilkley Lido - Ilkley

If we are lucky enough to get a day a beautifully hot and sunny day I am definitely taking a trip here. Located near Bradford, the Ilkley Lido is one of the few remaining operational Lido's in the UK. Inflatables are allowed and there's a paddling pool for little ones. A picnic area is available to save on costs but there's also a cafe. An adult pass is £4.50 and a junior is £2.35. Please note that this isn't a heated pool so be sure to put your little one in a full body wetsuit and take lots of towels for snuggles after splashtime!

Image credit: Ilkley Lido

I hope you've found some inspiration in my list so far. Tune in next time for Yorkshire Days Out With Kids: Part 2.

J